July 2012 was a long time ago. Since then, Elle turned 6, then 7, then 8. Susie turned 2, then 3. Elle had a teacher that was a poor match, Mrs. Komoroske in 1st grade, and a teacher that was a perfect fit, Mrs. Croglio in 2nd grade. In October of 2013 I was hired full time at the BECPL Central Library. Early in the previous month I found out I was pregnant. I took the full-time job anyway. The pregnancy flew by and on June 6th 2014 Robin was born. He is a mellow baby, easier than the girls for now. I took 10 weeks off over the summer, extending my six week maternity leave using FMLA to stay with the kids . Now the summer is almost over and I have returned to work. I keep questioning whether I am doing the right thing by working full-time with three small children. Daycare alone is prohibitively expensive, it costs almost as much as I make every week.We get great benefits through work but the Librarian's Association, our local union, just renegotiated its contract with the county for the first time in 8 years. Of course some of the benefits were removed, ridiculous compensory days lost, free health-care gone...but we get raises. I don't know if it will balance out, I haven't actually looked at the new contract yet. Today was busy.Eleanor had soccer and piano back to back. Brian picked up the kids and I'm glad he did. There was a mess on the 190 south today and I had to get off before the entrance ramp downtown and take Seneca street all the way out to West Seneca, which now I k now not to do again since it took forever to get where I was going. Weird intersections and even weirder drivers slowed down traffic. It didn't feel worth it to go to work today. I spent most of the day checking my email. All of the fall planning for programs is pretty much done. All of the summer programs are done. This lull between seasons is why I chose to return to work this week instead of two weeks from now, which would have actually saved us money at daycare. But now that I'm back I feel like , "who cares about this crap?" I know that's not the rigth way to think about it and I need to remain positive but it is just so hard. The worst part is that I am not fulfilled at home just being with the kids, but then when I am at work I feel so guilty. Part of me wants to just quit and stay home with the kids until Robin goest to school, but then who is to say what kind of employment I will find then? Isn't it better to be responsible and suck it up and work at this job where I have some degree of flexibility and job security along with great benefits and a modest(ly small) income so that in 5 years I will be that much farther ahead in terms of salary and retirement benefits? I am also afraid to be dependent on just Brian's income. What if something happened to him or his job? All of this worrying is crazy and it makes me so tired.
Eleanor is getting really good at the piano, she is a quick study with it and can pick up new songs fairly easily. When she doesn't want to practice she will slump at the piano and pick notes with one or two fingers, attempting to play the song as fast as she can. It's a weird passive aggressive thing; I usually love hearing her play piano until she does this, and then I correct her and she whines and I accuse her of being tired or hungry to which she says that she is not, but that she just doestn't want to play right now.
It is better when she is not tired or hungry. She is 8 years old now, and still denies being tired and hungry like she did when she was 2. It is so funny.
Susie started a really rough patch this summer. This as the summer of horrible tantrums. They have gotten slightly better in the past few weeks, but even with mid-day naps and frequent snacks she will tantrum. I threaten to spank her bottom daily. She actually responds better to positive reinforcement. I have to focus on that and what I know works and stick to that no matter how hard it is. She loves being praised, I have to remember to discipline differently with Susie because the same old techniques are not working with her. She is so smart. The things she says are incredible.
Anyway that's it for now.